I know they say not to depend on other people but can someone pick me up please? for once can it not be my own strength that try's and fails over and over again. can i have a shoulder to lean on? just for a little while. Just to relieve the pressure? just to show me im not completely alone? I went on thinking for awhile that i can be immune and i can manage everything on my own. I imagined myself being fearless and unstoppable or having a fire like no other. I used to think i could do it without a team, i used to think i could be my own.... i still think i can but perhaps for a little while someone/something could pick me up? i take one huge step forward and recover from the pain from the past and then its two steps back again to something else that comes up. The one thing i care about the most and the one thing that makes me so happy can also have the power to make me think so little of myself. I just want success i want a drive... i want my drive back. i want my expectations reached. i don't want to slip, not now... its my time.
I have three main focuses school/career, my job and taking care of myself. I'm finally at a point where i have no distractions and no one to hold me back. I could throw all my caution to the wind and absolutely be unstoppable and develop a drive never seen before. but how come i can't do it on my own? its not the same, i want this to be done all on my own. FINALLY I'm on my own and i can't max my potential. How much harder do i have to work? sacrifice and dedication have been put into play yet i still do not achieve what i deserve. Every time i fail i think to myself what more do i have to accomplish in order to succeed the next time and i have reached a point where i thought about it and there was nothing else i could of done differently.
Someone/Something..... push me.... push me to be better. My drive has dyed out and i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just this once... can i have what i truly deserve. I hear all the time "well, life ain't fair" ok thats fine but for once with this one thing can i have what i deserve. I just want to accomplish this one thing that makes me happy, so please just give me that and then you can make the rest of my life "unfair" i want to be able to say "since i made it here, i can make it anywhere"
And at the end of the day... i feel selfish, i feel selfish because i know it could always be worse and i know many people have it worse, there is never a win win situation. yes, i sit here and i complain how hard Nursing school is and i complain how i don't get what i deserve and how my work input never reflects the output... but it really could ALWAYS be so much worse. and i think the only thing that makes me realize it could be worse is my job and seeing people die everyday as well as coming across disappointing results other people may have to face. I may complain but i am grateful for who i am and what i have. Many people out there have it worse then me but everyone handles there amount of pressure stress and sadness diffrently which makes it easy for us to realize it could always be worse
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