Do stuff
Be clenched, curious.
Not waiting for inspiration's shove
Or society's kiss on your forehead.
Pay attention.
It's all about paying attention
Attention is vitality
It connects  you with others.
It makes you eager.
Stay eager.

Don't go numb again

I've been ignoring this big lump in my throat
tears were for the weaker days
I'm stronger
But something's missing
Whatever it is, it feels like
It's laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror
And I just wanna scream

I spent every hour just going through the motions
I can't even get the emotions to come out
Dry as a bone, but I just wanna shout ~ri

"When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you, and it doesn't mean they are bad people. It just means that their part in your story is over."

figure 8

Promise forever and a day then take it away, I will leave words behind.... chasing around in a figure 8, but something tells me i'm not alone. Those who  have nothing hold onto anything... even sweet nothings. Expecting less doesn't leave you disappointed. Expecting nothing leaves you cold and dry. But twirl it around in a figure 8.  It's the way the mind protects itself, by expecting nothing by expecting less. But who's to say this is right at all? If you never held me under then don't say a word. leave it all in my head then vanish me and watch me soar

Got both feet on the ground

let me do what I do and ill be on fire... need a little more then water to put me out. Give me a little bit of  oxygen to fuel the drive and ill burn everything to the ground. Flames arise fire in her eyes... let me do what I do, never been more ready.

finally it's so carefuckingfree

Meanwhile... Party and Bullshit and Party and Bullshit. Moving on me as the world ends, not taking this party too seriously but this nuclear heat is a beautiful air... you might live to tell. We rise tonight, palms to the sky.

Those days are over

Yeah I hear you talking
Don't know who you trying to flatter.
I got that chip on my shoulder

This is how I'm going to be

See, you don't seem to understand

had my mind made up a long time ago. 

Today you crossed my mind...

No one would ever know but why was today so rough? Looking through old papers reading things you wrote to me as I was a child. Why did I cry today? Seeing your hand writing made me hear your voice. so suddenly all my senses kicked in and exploded. Making tears fill my eyes. I like to think Im strong because I had someone in my life like you that helped raise me. Every time I cry, every time i want to give up or fear the future I think of you and how you fought. How you fought for 6 children and 14 grandchildren. How you fought for your life. I hear you now and I hear everything you wished for me. I know your there guiding me and when I am hurting I feel your strength helping me through. <3 p="p">

Sudden Impact

So convinced and educated in knowing I can take care of myself. Just through the rough patches in learning that no one can help you better then yourself. Just from insisting that I do it on my own...I have become stronger. Redefined by events and trauma. A victim of sudden impact to be rehabilitated into something stronger. But is there always guarantee that one can take care of themselves? Is it true that everyone needs someone to care for them? I too sometimes fear that I will fall hard and need someone to care for me, need someone to pick me up. I fear the day that I can't do it on my own. I think I fear most that when I look up from the ground no one will be above. This is why one may put up a front or be cold or afraid to get too close only to fall. FEAR in itself but only until  sudden unexplained  impact changes your whole outlook

Break Me In

I'm fighting, I don't wanna like it but you know I like it. I even know I like it. 
Used to always think I was bullet proof but you got an AK and you're blowing through.

She Wolf

"Breathing you in when I want you out , finding our truth in a hope of doubt"

It just happened right in front of me an explosion of a revelation. A shot in the dark that I'm willing to take. The she wolf will bring you to your knees with yellow eyes. Finally eyes that see clear, Finally a heart that doesn't grow cold with the moonlight. It's the run of her life, filling in the hollow spaces with something that feels so right.

Im still kicking you bastard

....Darkest Before

So the past six months I have been tested. It has been a test of strength, lord knows in my past I have been weak and he knows in my future I will need strength. He knows I can do better then what may surface on my skin. So I take these past six months as a gift, every bittersweet event will make me stronger for my future. Thick skin and bone (no pun intended)  is growing in, covering up the dry brittle cracks. One cannot choose what stays and what fades away but one has a say in how to go on. One of the most beautiful things in life is having a revelation and realizing everything happens for a reason and may I welcome all of it with open arms. For he knows what is to come to pass.

                                                                                                           ..... The Dawn

                                         

Numb

If you want to know how I feel then LEAVE IT till it's gone

A Start At The End

And now... I fully understand why the evil queen killed the king or why the evil queen became evil at all... once hurt by a man of power a man whom fooled her heart. A similar man soon to fuel her of all her power to unleash an animal she who did not know existed within. The queen should be pitied for no one knows her story or bothered to look deeper. She too was once a person of compassion and care whom gave it all to someone she thought she loved. Given to the wrong man whom was in love with the idea of her but not her at all. It was only after the hurt she realized that man had given her a fire given her a breath of new air... and with that oxygen she created flames and rose again.

Don't take that from me, play it cool

It's amazing how the human mind can heal itself.  Sometimes all it takes is one person one moment to make you smile again. One event, one comment to make you feel back on top again. I don't want to like it but I like it. I don't even think you know what you do to me but I want you to. Just remember the bigger you are the harder you fall.

November 26th, 2007

I truly believe that in more then one way everything an individual does is connected within his or her own life. Everyday connections are made; it is the reason why your horoscope comes so close to being true or perhaps sometimes it may be true. It is the reason why in church or a religious place of worship preaches something so similar to an event or feeling that may be occurring in one or even many peoples lives. Coincidences happen every once in awhile but occurrences such as this is a connection. A connection or a sign as to what is coming next. A short read in between the lines or a anticipation. An individual at one point or another in their life will come across these crucial times.
As kids we were always told to “row row row your boat, gently down the stream” or “wish I may and wish I mite wish amog this star tonight” how is it that such logic comes out of the most innocent simplest things in life. It may have gone on unnoticed but at such a young age we were taught that life is along journey which is significant to the stream and the “rowing being the hard work and effort that will allow you to end up in the “merrily merrily merrily meriilly , life is but a dream” “ even wishing among a star who would have thought that a wish would come true form actually wishing on a star, but in the minds of a child wish on the star was almost a sign of faith or hope for them it aloud positively and tranquility to run through their veins at such a young age. How is it that so many connections can ve made? In my own opinion dissecting events or emotions within ones life may only occur to some people. Other look past everything and make no connections what so ever. To me these connections are what keep life running, it allows the mind to think a little more and appreciate lifes process. I truly believe everything in life happens for a reason therefore from that logic lifes process for me makes sense. I guess you cold say that all those corney s ayings that almost everyone knows, is how my mind works. For example “when one door closes another on opens” these statements are true for most people.

Somewhere weakness is our strength

"What a shame we all became such fragile, broken things a memory remains just a tiny spark". I give it all my oxygen so let the flames begin. This is how we'll dance when they try and take us down. Everybody is watching, waiting for the breakdown... Sorry to disappoint you. My pain and all the trouble caused, no matter how long I believe that there is hope I believe that there is so much MORE for me out there. Its time to follow through to realize that I have seen bittersweet moments in life I have seen happiness and success, disappointment. I will see them over and over again and I know they will build into something unimaginable. I thought I would never be able to get to where I am now and I did it on my own. I surprised myself and just have to believe that I can make it happen again. I give in all my oxygen to fuel the flames and watch them rise to see what I can do once more. 
 

I'll drink to that!

:)

IT is what IT is CHAMP

The castle doesn't crumble so pick a new stomping ground

Try me

I wanted water but I'll walk through the fire

 if this is what it takes to take me even higher 

then I'll come through like I do when the world keeps testing me 

NOONE can touch me now

At the end of the day its all about those whom have been next to you the whole way through and those who feel your pain and happiness with you. Those who make life easier. I truly believe my life is about to reveal something more, after today I've realized I have so much more to live out and that I dont give myself enough credit. I know you would of been proud of me and I wish so badly that I could share this with you. But I told you I wouldn't stop until I finished what I started. I miss you terribly but just know I am about to start a whole new life and I know you will be watching <3

calms my nerves

With every waking breathe I miss you, I miss how you thought so highly of me, how you not only SAID IT but SHOWED how proud you were of me. I am here to tell you that even though you are somewhere else right now I will finish what I started. I will succeed and get to the next chapter in my life. The chapter where no one can hurt me, where my confidence will sky rocket, where the only person I need to depend on is myself. Once I get to where I am going all the petty small things that used to upset me will cease because I will have everything when I get to where I am going. My feelings have never or will never change about this goal. I want it bad. I want to see my hard work, struggle, effort pay off. No longer will I get myself upset with the lies of peers the pain others inflict on us. Because I will be strong I will know that I got to where I been longing to go. Maybe I will feel like... Im too good for some bullshit. Im hoping finally i will feel like no matter what someone does to me... they can't put me down because I would of won my battle. I do this for you, because every step of the way you were there for me, with me and now watch me...<3

There will be days like this

Nobody comes to save you now. You are alone, and get yourself use to it. Keep your eyes open and you will learn to get yourself through. No one can help you through something better then your own self. Your own voice coaching you, your own sweat and strength can mean so much more in the end. You have one purpose you are there for one reason and DONT loose focus. Everyone is vulnerable to being wounded and you are to do nothing but heal. Keeping the words of others out of your head. Be unstoppable. Make your own force. There will be days lke this where you feel that anything and everything can emotionally get to you. There will be days like this when you feel as if YOUR the one with the open flesh wound exposed to infection. People will salt your wounds, break your confidence and it... will get to you.

say it aint so

They say in life experience isn't something you buy, it's priceless. They say you learn from a series of mishaps , they say you may even find out ways on how to avoid it and you may even already know what you DON'T want, what you DON'T WANT to re-experience or go through , hurting, pain being walked all over, being put last, giving more then what you get back... I say now that all I have to do is appreciate myself for what I have been through and move forward with confidence that I'll eventually get out what I put in.

whateveaaaaaaa

Would it really kill people to be nice? don't get me wrong there are plenty of extra stressors in life that piss everyone off and we tend to take things out on those who care about us the most. But more often people just tend to be cold. The dramatics and exaggeration of how hard one may have it when they really don't at all. Im guilty of it too but to be cold is a whole other issue. Negativity has a sneaky way of spreading itself around and I just don't want it anymore, everyone needs someone in their lives that picks them up not knocks them down. Your in a bad mood? don't bring those around you down also don't make them feel bad. No doubt vent away, get mad, tell them about it... but to put others in a bad mood to make your misery their company? Im over it. I took an oath a couple days ago with myself... Vent, get mad, talk about it... but try not to bring others around you down. When You think you have it so bad? think that someone else has it way worse. Its all about perspective. The reason why we put up a front, the reason why people are cold and just down right nasty is 90% of the time they were at one point nice but got taken advantage of. Those who ask the question "are you okay?" "whats wrong?" " can i help?" " You sure you okay?" those people more often then not get snapped at, stepped on, taken advantage of. Perhaps if the world were nicer to those who try and help and mean well, it wouldnt kill people to be so nice? nice people get taken advantage of so the world has turned on a front.... I don't know about anyone else but im way over it. selfishness, inconsideration and negativity is a down right turn off. Smile go with the flow and be fucking nice... we may not be able to change somethings through the course of life but this is certainly something I am making a huge effort in. SO over it, arent you?

Victims of a sudden impact are some of the hardest to treat.
It’s not just the collision that injures them, it’s everything after.
Their bodies are injured over and over again.
So there’s no way to know how much damage is actually been done until they stop.
You can't prepare for a sudden impact. You can't brace yourself. It just hits you. Out of nowhere.