Current Playlist for life

This is what it happens when it down pours for days Straight....

1) End of the world- Armor for sleep

This song is amazing the beginning guitar part has a soothing yet very cool tone to it and this is on the transformers soundtrack. this is my number one. and such a good running song.

2) Enough for now- The Fray

This song says it all. and keeps me from doing something i shouldn't. definitely the number one song that kept me sane all day. and I just have to except the fact that my ending is someone else's beginning. and eventually my beginning with someone will be someone else's ending ( i know it sounds confusing but if you read it over a couple times it totally makes sense :p) this song made me realize i have done more then enough and it's enough for now, maybe even awhile.

3) Belief - john mayer

This song just helps me realize things could always be worse and i really don't have it that bad. life is short, why not make it sweet and swing it away.

4)Richman-3OH!3

This song makes me laugh because it's really funny watching brian renaldo and steve paradise sing it. on top of the love songs they sing to each-other this one is definitely a good one.

5)Pretty, Handsome, Awkward- The Used

Perfect for when i'm angry.

6)Peace sign index down- Gym class heroes

haha read in between the lines. Basically the outlook ive been having and just being as chill as possible because it's such an easier way to live.

7) Retina and The Sky- Idiot  pilot

I just like it because the guys voice is pretty sick and it's from the movie transformers :p total dork.

8)Say when- The Fray

This explains how my feelings are if your someone in my life i truly care about... just say when and im there :p

9)Before it's too late- Goo Goo Dolls

If i wanted to cry this would be my song. I don't think its the best song for me to be listening to right now but its a deep song "and the risk that might break you is the one that would save a life you don't live is still lost" taking risks from now on is my plan of action because i need to live a life now more then ever. so call me a risk taker cause it's better then not doing anything at all

10) I'll Be- Edwin Mccain

totally my wedding song, thats what i have to say about that. ( sorry to whoever i marry im pretty set on this song) :p

11) ( so the lucky eleven) My wish- Rascal Flatts

I never wish bad on anyone i have ever loved and rejects me  because at the end of the day i wish the best for you and love doesn't just go away so get where your getting to in life but don't ever forget the ones that love you the most :] suchhhh a good song and im not much of  country person

OK... my last blog took a wrong turn... and IT'S ENOUGH ALREADY.

 you think you have it bad? you want something to be upset about?

52 year old female diagnosed with cancer and dying. She was widowed sadly when her only son was 4.  She raised him on her own to be a man and he is too graduate this year from high school. The days i provide aid for my sick great aunt. a car roles up in front of the house across the street where the graduating senior gets out of his friends car and walks up to his house to see his mother. He doesn't go out with friends after school, he doesn't go out at night. Instead he anxiously gets out of the car that roles up in front of my great aunts window where i watch. As he runs up to the front door to meet the stay at home nurse and finds that his mother is still alive it brings a smile to his face. Having to sit through school all day and wonder how much time will be left, before the one person who raised you leaves? thats something to be sad about.... we stress over dumb drama like bickering fights between friends, relationship problems and who said what to who about whom... meanwhile there is a whole other level of "sad" that some people haven't even experienced

A LITTLE IS ENOUGH...

"This ain't over, no not here, not while I still need you

Around You don't owe me, we might change

Yeah we just might feel good.

I can't ask for anymore, I can't beg for anything else, but I'm crazy enough to love something that isn't there. Time is a friend or a foe? Time heals everything this i know, but too much time? too little of a touch? hope can burn with time and be forgotten. for now i hold my head as i leave the ground and ask myself " do you feel alive now?" Time has made me feel alive but now i'm ready for the stars in my eyes to light up the sky and bring you home again. tonight here i am life's waiting to begin and i can't live unless you do this with me.

I don't know why you couldn't just stay with me

You couldn't stand to be near me

When my face don't seem to want to shine

Cuz it's a little bit dirty well

Don't just stand there, say nice things to me"

He broke my heart And now it's raining just to rub it in I'm at your door I feel so crazy bout it

You'll say, "I told you so" You saw it long ago You knew he had to go
I finally came around I'm back on solid ground Can't let it get me down Nah It's alright It's alright
Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned Mistake overturned so I call it a lesson learned My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned Another lesson learned Sometimes some lies can take a minute to fully realize His tears your eyes Thirty seconds to apoligize You give him one more chance Just like the time before But he already knows you'd give a hundred more Until that night in bed You wake up in a sweat You're racing to the door Can't take it anymore I was burned but I call it a lesson learned Mistake overturned so I call it lesson learned My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned Another lesson learned 
Life perfect ain't perfect if you don't know what the struggles for
Falling down ain't falling down if you don't cry when you hit the floor
It's called the past 'cause im getting past
And I ain't nothing like I was before You oughta see me now 


... this is such a great song! Alicia keys & john mayer

BETTER  IN TIME

... "I might let you go for now so i can be free, I'm not sure why i keep thinking i deserve this because there is no way in hell that i do. I'm not a bad person, not selfish, greedy. I'm average. I don't wish bad upon anyone. If there was a way to catch myself i would do it i'm sure everyone would. But what happens when your at the point where you have to depend on others to make you happy. It kinda sucks..."

When you have reached the point where you start to blame yourself for something that isn't your fault, when you reached the point where you have to depend on others to make you happy, when you reached the point where it takes one individual to convince you and make you believe that you are a bad person... you know you need to make a change in your life. Weakness will always be present at some point but to give yourself to weakness is not an option. seeing someone die almost everyday makes you realize, why give into weakness? depression? or the hurtful nasty comments those say to bring you down.instead dye fighting for greatness. Everyone has a breaking point and can only take so much negativity without giving into weakness. It's easier to fall then it is to hold yourself up. It's easier to just give in to the simple nothing harsh comments that hurt. It's easier to say "sorry , i was wrong" then to fight to stick up for yourself. the easy way out is weakness. always fight to stick up for yourself. fight against giving into depression and falling. love will always save the empty and who are you to make we wait for it?

As i sit there patiently waiting in the STAT immediate medical center( ironic to have to wait for immediate medical attention).  I get this "closed throat" kind of feeling. sitting on the hard rough carpeted floor was not exactly helping either... did i mention i was sitting on the floor because every seat in the waiting room was taken. It was a nicely decorated waiting room, pale blue walls, straw cushioned chairs. the waiting room was almost beach themed. As i sat uncomfortably on the hard floor i looked around and tried to pick out what was wrong with everyone else( to obviously see what i was up against). There was a little boy with a bloody T-shirt and scraped chill with his father who looked young enough to be his brother,  there was an adorable old man that every waiting room needs, waiting for his wife and talking to every stranger that sat next to him. and then there was me with my gorgeous  caring mom. my thumb was unexpectedly/unintentionally, slammed into a car door and lets just say it did not look like a thumb. of course the time spent with the doctor and x-rays it was much shorter then the time we spent waiting in the waiting room. turned out the thumb was not broken... however in a weird kinda sick twisted way i wish it was :/. It would of totally given me something to keep my mind on instead of worrying about every other issue including other peoples... yep sounds pretty sick i know..

We knew it'd happen eventually...or did we? the truth is i miss you terribly, the truth is i tried to forget you but its haunting me so badly. so just tell me something sweet to get me by because i knw you won't come back completely now. but im clinging to what i know and never letting go. ill wait for you...

"I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it

You'll always find me right there, again"

live with it

 we all make mistakes, we all have regrets. lets face it everyone is in the same boat, whether its sinking or floating no one is ever entirely alone. but when regrets get the best of you to the point where your moods are so hot and cold it tends to give you, and those around you whiplash.  so for lack of a better word im experience some severe whiplash with some minor head trauma :p

Rookie Blogger

I figured this would be a good way to vent as well as keep busy along with the three jobs and volunteer work but i'm giving it a shot. my life gets interesting with plenty of drama that i never ask for so others might enjoy this as well.